Home for the Holidays

i've been in Tulsa, OK for about a week an a half, with 5 days left. one of my best friends, who i call the HLP greeted me with this bright neon signs which i almost missed since i was tweeting and walking at the same time.
the first night i was in town we went to the The Mercury Lounge, and i got to meet up with alot of my close friends and a certain someone special. later that night, i remember her asking me, "why do you have to be so far away?"

i don't know how to deal with it sometimes. it seems like everytime i come into town, i have a different girl that i talk to. and this most recent interest has definitely been my favorite. she's so great! we started talking while i was in Iraq, and we hung out alot the last time i was in town. but i'm not going to ramble on about how much of a crush i have on this person. we'll save that for a later post.

this is for me to vent on how much it sucks not being able to have a normal relationship. as most of you know, i'm in the military. my particular unit deploys every 6 months for 6-8 months at a time. it's not always Iraq or Afghanistan, most of the time it will be South Asia.

so, the hard part for me about having a long distance relationship is that my last major relationship was a long distance relationship. that was 2 years ago. she is in the military as well. and she deployed overseas, and not too long after, she cheated on me. after her year long deployment, she came back to the US, and we reconciled for a bit. i packed up everything and moved with her to her next duty station. i joined the military not too long after that, and while at basic training i got a letter from her wanting to end things as she couldn't deal with the fact that the dude she cheated on me with just happened to be stationed at the same base. they're married now, and i hope they both work out their insecurity issues.

so after that, i've been here and there, meeting alot of people, and i found myself generally happy in all aspects, but no one to share them with. i have great friends and co-workers, but i just need someone to not necessarily come home to, but a "someone special" to just talk to. either through text messages or whatever. it's hard to meet someone and staying close to that someone knowing that one of us isn't going to be around.

so here's my predicament, i've been telling myself that i absolutely can't trust someone in a long-distance relationship. but she's been in a long distance relationship that didn't end well either. and now here i am really, really, into this girl. and i want to tell her that i am willing to try this thing out. what do i do? i would never cheat, or anything!

i'm sick of coming home and hanging with a chick only to get pushed away because they know i'm leaving in a week or two. so they don't want to get close. and i get my hopes up and crushed. well i don't know. i'm too afraid to bring this up to her, cause i want to enjoy the time that i'm here, and not dwelling over rejection. she'll probably read this cause i'll post it on my twitter.

we'll see what happens. thanks for reading.